Today I took a walk! It's not super exciting or interesting that I took a walk, except that I've been feeling low and unmotivated with anxiety taking precedent over anything else I've been wanting. Plus, when I made a plan a random emergency came up, interrupting the stuff I WAS going to do... AND boosted my anxiety by adding an actual emergency scenario too the mix.
So it's nice that I planned to take a walk and I was able to take that walk without something else getting in the way. A very simple joy for this weekend.
Before my walk I stopped at the smoothie place and got a drink that forced me to say "I'd like to get (uh) Nuts About Protein" out loud. I can't keep a blender at home because I am bad at keeping up with dishes and only keep easy-to-clean appliances (my hands are shaky so it will never be easy to clean things with blades). Once I fix everything in my life I can start making smoothies at home, but until then I go to places like this where I spend $11 on 23 fl oz drink packed with ingredients I enjoy. I also got a bottle of water because I couldn't find my water bottle to fill it before I left.
Today was hot at 86°F but bearable thanks to nice breezes. It rained (hard) yesterday and has been raining on/off the last few weeks, so even though it's too hot, it's not "way too hot to exist" or anything like that. Windows up with A/C on unless you're on the highway, and since my car's interior is black and the A/C is in need of maintenance, it didn't cool down until I got to the parking lot. I set my smoothie on the floor in the shade to save for after my walk, and when I went to grab my headphones I found my bottle! It's been sitting in my car for 3 weeks, I guess.
For most of the walk I was enraptured by the vividness of spring. I've been walking inside for a while to appease the demons (this includes my cat), rather than crossing the threshold of our home and leaving for a few hours to walk in nature. There are many reasons not to: allergies, torrential downpour, hot hot heat, rush hour, geese, the fact that other people will be there. Every time I go for a walk after not going for a walk outside for a while, though, I remember that there are many more reasons to.
Witnessing the outside world and seeing how nature cycles by returning to the same places throughout the year.
So many colors.
Like most humans I feel more connected to the planet and myself by going outside and being in nature (whether it's neighborhood parks or forests or mountains, beaches or deserts or swamps).
Actually does feel amazing to have the sun touch your skin for a while (protect yourself, though). I guess I'm not the vampire I thought I was.
Another thing I like is that it's an excuse to choose or make a soundtrack. You can listen to whatever the world offers or you can mix it with low volume audio and blend the chirping of birds with an episode of Twilight Zone to create a dreary, dreamy soundtrack to an afternoon walk. You can catch up with news or podcasts or audio books or whatever you do and because you're walking you're limited in note-taking; you're forced to think quickly, listen intently, and try to memorize any interesting thoughts you want to explore later. (I take notes on what I remember after my walk and explore them when I get home.) You can create a playlist or use the walk to test a playlist. It's just you, that playlist, and the path in front of you. You could put your entire music library on shuffle and challenge yourself to walk the pace of each song (even the fast ones).
Today's walk was like that last one. It was a relatively easy walk until "Prisoner of Society" came on.
- Hot Rod Circuit - Slacker
- Silverchair - Anthem for the Year 2000
- Deftones - Bored
- Alanis Morissette - Ironic
- Cake - Let Me Go
- Dido - Thank You
- The Living End - Prisoner of Society
- The Lucksmiths - Wyoming
- The Cranberries - I Can't Be With You
- Daft Punk - Around the World
- VNV Nation - Solitary
Sometimes you go on a walk, sometimes you go on an adventure. Today's walk was a walk. I was already sufficiently stimulated and enriched by the fact that I was outside taking a walk, so I wasn't looking to explore or go off path or do something exciting and new. I went to a park with a paved path that has a reliably lovely view of a lake at the end of the path. Sadly, that view was blocked by two downed trees today. There was a moment where I wondered if I wanted to get past the trees to my consistently nice view but I decided to turn around instead. I was already feeling tired and a little overheated and I was only halfway done. I wasn't disappointed, but noted the difference in feeling between an adventure walk and this one. I like that there can be many different approaches to a walk.
I went off the paved path on the way back (but I always do). There's a loop connected to the main trail and although it rained yesterday it looked pretty dry. I didn't carry any mud on that path. Here is where I found a pretty little yellow and brown butterfly sitting on the ground. It fluttered its wings slowly and caught my attention so I watched it for a few minutes.
It wasn't until I got home, looking through the photos, that I noticed the butterfly was sitting on a pile of shit. I'll let you take your pick on interpretation: Do I focus on the positive and that's why I didn't see the shit? I do tend to see beauty in the world where others are disgusted. Like how I don't think buildings and tall architecture and the greyness of a city is gross, and how I think winter has a beautiful and unique color palette just like every other season and it's not "dead and desolate" like people seem to view it. Or maybe in that moment I was sweating and hot and tired and I wasn't paying attention to the details.
After the walk ended, I felt good and satisfied and excited to come home and write about it. I sat in the car blasting A/C to help cool down before I drove home, feeling my thighs pop like bubble wrap. I'm sure I've read about it before but I just tried to look it up and Dr. Duck Duck Go diagnosed me with several fatal illnesses, so I'm not sure what causes it. It feels very cool and I like it; it's a rewarding part of taking an intense walk.
Sitting in the car feeling my muscles pop, I was staring at the trees swaying in the wind and thinking that somehow it's a lot more effort taking a walk inside on the treadmill than it is getting dressed and driving somewhere and taking a walk outside. Maybe it's because there are more rewards from walking outside, more to look at and enjoy and see. You get to appreciate first-hand the simplicity and complexity of nature, like how I was sitting there watching a tree move in the wind and witnessing the movement of the whole tree and each individual leaf. Seeing how different trees move in different ways.
It was a simple joy to finally get out today, and it's a simple joy to find the motivation to write such a detailed entry about it.